Still on Track

Today is four days out from our dachshund Li'l Girl's hemilaminectomy.  This morning has been good so far, except for the fact that it snowed last night.  Fortunately, there isn't too much on the ground, so she isn't afraid to go out there for her business.  We had a #1 around 7 this morning, then a #1 and #2 around 10.  The fact that she seems to have full bladder and bowel control is just amazing.  She only comes out of her small pen to use the restroom, so this is when we get to observe her walking, and her walk seems to be getting stronger and less wobbly.
Part of me is jumping for joy and part of me is saying, "Now, now, don't get too excited... you'll just be more upset if she has a setback."  We're so proud of her progress, but it's really hard to let myself be happy as I'd like to be about it.  Remaining guarded is my mechanism for dealing with bad news... I live my life in "hope for the best, but prepare for the worst" mode.  I tend not to express much joy at any triumph in life, because I always feel that tragedy may be just around the corner.  It's a terrible way to live that I wouldn't wish on anyone.  I didn't choose to be this way - it's just something that has always been.  Perhaps with more time, I'll be able to more easily cherish every little victory, regardless of what comes after.
She is napping right now.  I love when she naps, because I know for at least that brief time, she is not in pain or feeling anxious about anything.  She seems to be getting a little more used to being in her pen all the time... maybe feeling less like she's in jail for something she did wrong and more like it's good to have a safe, secure place to be while she's vulnerable.
I need to get some more chores done, so the house doesn't fall down around us while we deal with this.  Signing off for now.

I'm feeling a little better.

I like to feel cozy.